


Just Hold Me (For the Last time)

by renjunsmp3



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Falling Out of Love, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Love, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 03:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16946178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunsmp3/pseuds/renjunsmp3
Summary: The day that Yuta and Sicheng hold each other, even if it's for the last time.





	Just Hold Me (For the Last time)

Sicheng and Yuta went on about their day as if nothing was bothering them, even though they both knew what was going to come sooner or later. Sicheng returned form his classes that day exhausted and mentally drained, and went to go put his backpack in their room and start his studies. He didn’t notice Yuta sitting at their table a few feet away from him until he spoke up. 

“Hey Sicheng,” He said, almost close enough to a whisper. 

Sicheng stopped, and turned around to look at Yuta in the eyes. He could tell he had been crying, and that he was nervous, because he was twiddling his thumbs and looking between him and his hands. Sicheng put his bag against the couch and began to walk over to Yuta.

“I think we need to talk.” 

Sicheng stopped in his tracks. He knew this was going to happen, it was inevitable. But he began to accept the situation, going and sitting next to Yuta, and picking his hands up in order to hold them and calm him down. But Sicheng’s strategy had failed, and Yuta pulled them away. 

If there was any doubt in his mind that he didn’t know what Yuta wanted to talk about, there definitely wasn’t now.

Sicheng noticed Yuta become quieter somehow, even the boy had barely said a word to him. But then a tear slips out of his eyes and slowly rolls down his face.

“Sicheng, do you still love me?” Yuta asked, making complete eye contact with Sicheng despite it being awkward.

“Yuta I-“

“Just answer the question. Please.”

It’s Sicheng’s turn to cry. He looks down at his legs and the tears start flowing down his face.

“Yuta I-I’m sorry.” Sicheng’s body begins to rack with sobs, shaking the poor boy to the point where he needs to put his arms out to stabilize himself.

“I knew it.” Yuta got up out of his seat, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“How long, Sicheng? How long have you known?” Yuta booms into the apartment they both shared.

“Yuta, please!” Sicheng can’t stop crying, it feels like it’s all finally hitting him at once.

“SICHENG HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN YOU WEREN”T IN LOVE WITH ME.” Yuta screams, turning around with the tears falling down his face continually, with no stop in sight.

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU LOOKED AT ME AND FELT NOTHING? HOW LONG HAVE YOU LET ME BELIEVE THAT WE WERE OKAY?” Yuta was uncontrollably sobbing at this point, screaming through his tears.

“YUTA PLEASE STOP.” Sicheng finally speaks up and he can see Yuta’s heart shatter right before his eyes.

“I can’t believe this,” Yuta starts, running a hand through his hair. “We’ve been together for 6 fucking years. 6! God Sicheng! I was beginning to think you were the one for a while!”

“YUTA. I SAID STOP.” Sicheng looks at him in the eyes, begging through his sobs to get Yuta to stop. But that last plea seemed to have done the trick, as Yuta had stopped talking and just stared at Sicheng and noticed the little things about him. His soft brown hair which had fallen over his face, his small eyes having been red and puffy, and his skin soaked with salty tears.

“Please, just stop.” Sicheng said quietly, the shattering of his heart being heard through his voice as well.

“Sicheng I- Im sorry.” Yuta says, starting to cry again. He walks over and sits on the couch, putting his head in his hands.

Sicheng finds the strength to go sit by Yuta, and put his arm around him and laid his head on his shoulder.

“I’ve known for a few months.” Sicheng just about whispers, but audible enough for Yuta to hear him.

“I felt it about 2 1/2 months ago maybe? And I was so scared, Yuta, you were the only boy I loved for 6 years. The only boy I’ve been capable of loving like I did. We were each other’s firsts, and I don’t regret any of it, and I wouldn’t take any of it back for the world. I was so scared that by me slowly not loving you as much that I’d lose you. And I guess I just hung onto you for too long in the process. I’m sorry. I tried to get myself to love you again, but the more I tried, the more you slipped from my fingers.” Sicheng noticed that Yuta took the hands off his face and looked at him laying on his shoulder.

“I’ve been feeling the same way.” Yuta confesses, tears running down his face hearing his long term boyfriend conveying his emotions, which, on a normal day to day basis was very hard for Sicheng to do.

Sicheng lifts his head and looks at Yuta, feeling a sharp pain in his heart. 

“You… lost feelings too?” Sicheng says, head tilted to the side, both boys looking into each other’s eyes.

“I think it was around a month ago.” Yuta confesses softly, and feels Sicheng rest his head on his shoulder once again.

“But I’m still going through the part where I’m denying it. If I’m being honest it’s terrifying me down to my core. I-I don’t know what I’ll do without you.” Yuta sniffles, and turns his head to look at the tiny fragile boy resting upon his shoulder, and plants a kiss on his head.

Sicheng visibly relaxes when he does that, remembering the times where those kisses meant everything in the world to him. The times where he’d be all jittery and in love with every movement Yuta made. And suddenly his heart begins to hurt. That those times are over. They both feel nothing for one another, and are falling out of love faster than they ever thought they would. Then again, the two had planned on forever. The more he keeps thinking and thinking, the more Yuta can tell.

“What’re you thinking about?” Yuta asks, genuinely curious on if their emotions were the same in that moment of time.

“Us,” Sicheng said, a small smile creeping up onto his face.

“We were pretty great weren’t we?” Sicheng says, looking up at Yuta.

Sicheng’s attempt at lightening the mood made Yuta chuckle.

Sicheng scanned Yuta’s face, looking for anything to hold onto. Anything that told him to take it all back, and to just take Yuta into his arms and keep him there forever. Anything that told him to stay. 

Sicheng lifts his hand and puts his thumb on Yuta’s cheeks, wiping off the tears that had been stained there probably all day.

“Thank you.” Yuta said out of the blue, confusing Sicheng.

“For always being there for me. I don’t think there was one time that you ever left me alone when I was upset, no matter how much I asked for you to go. Thank you for being someone I always looked up to and adored. You’re so kind, and considerate, and passionate, and I’ve always loved that about you. Hell, I still do. I don’t think there will ever be a time I look back at us and not remember how amazing you are. 60 years from now when we’re old and grumpy I hope we’ll sit by each other’s sides and reminisce on all the memories we created together. Sicheng you helped me realize so many things, and opened up my eyes to the world around me and got me to appreciate it as well. You have no idea how much you mean to me. This might be the end of us, but I hope this won’t be the end of our friendship. I never want to lose you.”

At this point, tears were streaming down Sicheng’s face, barely able to hold eye contact with Yuta.

Minutes passed of the two of them getting themselves together, knowing that both of them needed some space.

“So this is really it, huh,” Sicheng started, looking over at Yuta with his pretty and soft blonde hair falling perfectly on his face.

Yuta returned the look, and slowly nodded.

“I guess it is.” Yuta said, voice cracking once again.

Yuta gets up, and before Sicheng can say anything, he puts his arms out just like he used to do. Sicheng took the offer, and stood up and jumped into his arms. Yuta held him koala-style and felt Sicheng’s head rest into his neck. Yuta turned around and carried Sicheng towards their room. Once inside, he placed Sicheng on the bed under the covers, and he followed behind him shortly after. All the lights were out, as it was almost 11PM.

They got under the sheets and laid next to each other.

“This is okay with you right?” Yuta asks, and Sicheng nods.

“Just hold me, please.” Sicheng chokes out, reaching his arms around Yuta’s torso, and burying his head in his chest. Yuta wraps his arms around Sicheng as well, but using one of them to pet his head.

“Always,” Yuta responded, planting another kiss on the boy's soft hair.

Sicheng can’t help but remember their memories. All the times they had gone to the cat cafe and played with the adorable kittens, the day that Yuta had asked Sicheng to be his, the times they helped each other’s breathing slow down and getting them to feel okay once more. The times they traveled to Japan, and China, and America together. The friends that they made together. Everything in each one of their lives was wrapped within the two of them, and that’s what made it all the more worse. 

But there were many times they fought. They would yell, and scream, and it usually ended with Sicheng staying at Johnny’s place. Or the times where they realized one of them was pulling away and forced them back. It was a never ending cycle with both sides that had prevented each other from leaving.

“Please tell me you won’t let go.” Sicheng made Yuta promise, and he himself promised as well. “At least not for tonight.”

Yuta pulls Sicheng closer, answering his question.

Yuta places occasional kisses upon Sicheng’s head, and rubbing cycles into his back, and doing it for over 5 hours without realizing Sicheng was already asleep, and Yuta was not far behind him either. Both held each other quietly, knowing what was to come when they woke up.

“Im sorry this didn’t end better.” Sicheng mumbles.

“It’s better than losing you.”

Sicheng pulls away from yuta, and cups his cheeks, landing a quick kiss upon his lips, going back down to allow him to hold him once more.

 

Even though they may not spend the rest of their lives together, they both cherish the moments they had when they had it good.

They accepted that someone else would cherish the other and look at them as if they meant the world to them, hold them as if it were the last time, and love them like the other never could.

Even when they both take their final breaths, they held hands and smiled to the other, their last words to each other being,

 

 

 

 

 

“Never let go.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this short story I wrote on a whim, I finished this around 11PM so I hope that it isn't too bad! Let me know if you liked it, comment ideas you'd like me to write about, leave constructive criticism or just kudos, I'm fine with anything. I have a Noren fic on the way that I've been writing for months now, and I'm hoping to finish it, but it's kinda long and I'm getting writers block, but I'm planning on getting it out soon. Love you all ! <3


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